Shutting Down.

Yep, I'm shutting down this blog.

Sorry guys.

I realized that when I write on this blog, it makes me feel even more depressed than i already am.

Which is pretty stupid to do to myself, isn't it?

But yeah, I'm not going to delete the blog, I'm just going to stop posting.

At the moment I'm running the optimistic Tumblr blog,

http://life-is-oh-so-lovely.tumblr.com/

It makes me much happier than this blog ever did.

It's also an advice blog, so if you ever need help with anything, just ask.

Anons are also very welcome.

Well, bye.

Inactive

I've been pretty inactive on this blog lately.

I hardly publish anything anymore.

School has been very busy, and I seem to always have a new pile of homework on my desk everyday.

Oh yeah. Turns out that I need glasses. Huh. I never pictured myself needing to wear glasses.

Anyways, I probably won't have so much time to post a lot on this blog at the moment, but I'll try my best. I'm a little more active on my Tumblr, so if you want to check that out, feel free.

http://life-is-oh-so-lovely.tumblr.com/

May the rest of your day be great.

-97thedarkshadow

I Know Now

I have got a reason.

Happy Holidays!

HAPPY HOLIDAYS!

Love, 97thedarkshadow.

Strength

Watch this.

This guy is so strong.

He really inspired me.

Many of my friends have shared this on Facebook.

Though, I don't think they know how this feels.

I can really relate to him, since I have experienced similar things.

One thing that really made me upset is that a few of the people that shared the video are bullies.

I think it's horrible that they watch the video, and don't even realize that they cause other people to feel the same way.   

So if you are a bully, stop now.

You might not care how the person you're bullying feels now,

but tell me, if they commit suicide,

how are you going to feel knowing that you killed someone?

-97thedarkshadow

EDIT:

A few days ago a guy by the name of Jonathon posted this video response on his YouTube channel:

Now people, that is one wonderful human being.

It gives me hope to see that caring people actually exist.

-97thedarkshadow 

Want Advice?

Why is everyone so quiet?

I haven't gotten one comment since I started my blog.

Why don't I start an advice entry every week?

If you need advice or tips or something, just leave an anonymous comment in the comment section of the entry (or any entry really), or send an email to 97thedarkshadow@gmail.com.

What ever you write to me or ask advice about is of course totally anonymous.

Then when I have a few, I'll write an entry, and answer them for you.

Like I said, I won't reveal your name, I'll write "From Anonymous."

I hope to hear from some of you.

-97thedarkshadow

Run Away

The saying goes, "You can't run away from your problems."

In my case I could have,

but I didn't.

And that was the biggest mistake of my life.

-97thedarkshadow

Nothing Matters Anymore

I'm just in one of my depressing moods today.

Honestly, when am I not in one of these moods?

Whatever. Forget it.

I just feel trapped.

There is so much I want to do,

but I'm stuck.

I just can't find a reason these days.

Everyday, my life is the same, and I don't really feel excited about anything anymore.

I REALLY need help.

That's something I can shamelessly admit.

I've tried talking to people.

Friends, family, psychologists and so on.

But it doesn't help.

It just makes it worse.

I just don't know what other options there are.

I don't even know why I'm writing this.

Maybe letting it out will make me feel better.

Probably not.

Attention is the last thing I want though.

More like the opposite.

I just want to sit in a corner and disappear.

I don't want a perfect life, if that's what everyone thinks.

Not even a good life.

Just something that will do.

I don't want to sound like I'm a pessimist,

but what I've got now..

I just makes me want to die.

Scratch that last part.

I'm so selfish.

I just ask for more and more, all the time.

I know people have it way worse that me.

I just don't know how to live anymore.

Stop. No more excuses.

I'm a horrible person.

Ugh.

This shouldn't even be in a blog post.

It's way to personal.

The only thing that is stopping me from not publishing this,

is the hope that maybe someone will understand.

Maybe even help me get the help I need.

There we go again. Selfish, selfish.

Though, if you are one of those people who are reading this,

and are going to tease me the next time you see me,

because of this that I have written,

maybe you should think again.

Being depressed, doesn't just make me sad.

It makes me mad. Furious.

Maybe I'll just snap, and well, you can guess what will happen.

A lot of you, even the ones who go to my school and are my friends, are going to be like,

"Why does she complain so much? Sure, she may have some family problems, and get bullied a little bit, but that's not so bad." 

For your information, YOU HAVE NO FREAKING IDEA.

More than 70% of the reasons I feel this way, I haven't even told any of my friends.

'Cause I can't. I literally can't. 

The reason I made this blog from the beginning was to give people who have similar problems like me, advice.

This is definitively not one of those entries.

I know I'll regret posting this later, I'll get lots of hurtful comments because of it,

but whatever. I get them anyway, so what the heck.

-97thedarkshadow

The Truth

Things can be hard, 

even if they start out easy.

You can't always trust what people say,

even if you try your hardest to believe them.

Life is an endless journey of disappointments,

but it can be filled with happiness too.

You can never really know what awaits you in life,

but if you don't take a chance,

how else will you find out?

-97thedarkshadow

Never Enough

You've got it all, but for you, nothing will ever be enough.

I don't have a lot, and for me, I'm happy with what I've got.

Hearing everyone complain about what they don't have, really makes me wonder,

How is it that I can be happy with so little, but you just always expect more?

Friendship

What you are about to read is taken right out of a paper about friendship, that I was supposed to write for English. I think I made it a bit too personal though.

Assignment:

Write a short text about friendship.

Friendship is a really interesting topic for me. To be honest, I really miss being younger. Friendship was so much more real back then, at least in my case.

These days, for me, it's like the saying, "Keep you friends close, but your enemies closer. Except the problem these days is that you can't even tell them apart."

I shouldn't complain though, I do have wonderful friends, but only when they decide to be wonderful. It's not that they're not nice, the thing is that they get mad at me for no reason, pretty often. If they hear a rumor from another person saying that I said something bad about them, they believe it. And once one of them are mad at me, they all are.

Luckily, it stops after a couple of days to a week, so it doesn't bother me that much. 

Now that we are teenagers, it's not that much better either.

Everybody worries about how they look, what they do, who they're seen with, what they say, and so on. In my opinion it's pretty stupid.

Like my blog name, I consider myself the odd one out. Odd one out was one of my favorite childhood games.

Find the thing that doesn't belong.

In this case, me.

So yeah, that's what I wrote. 

I hope I didn't offend anyone.

~97thedarkshadow

I Know You Are, But What Am I?

I don't listen to any shit,

I don't take any shit,

and I don't give a shit.

(In a bad mood, sorry.)

IMPORTANT ENTRY: Just so you know, I'm always here

I know I am not the nicest person in the world.

I may be mean, annoying, stupid and dumb, but I have one good feature that I'm really proud of.

It doesn't matter who you are, one of my best friends, a friend, someone I've never met, or someone I have no idea who it is, if you need to talk, I'm right here.

If you know me, just send a text, or call, and if you'd rather speak in person, just let me know.

If you don't know me you can send me an email at 97thedarkshadow@gmail.com if you want.

No matter who you are, where you are, what time of the day it is, you can contact me, we'll talk, and it stays between us. 

I'll help you in anyway I can.

Just so you know, I'm always here~

Lazy, But Still Thinking

Today I don't feel very "creative," so I haven't written a text or anything.

I've still been thinking a lot though.

I know it sounds kind of stupid, but I decided to start writing a private diary.

'Cause if I ever have a kid I don't want them to have such a messed up life as I have.

I mean, I would have been overjoyed if one of my parents have given me a diary that could explain everything to me.

Yeah, I know that sounds confusing.

When I know how to put this into better words I will.

Basically, what I want to do is write down everything I think about, love, school, friends, problems, everything. That way, he/she will have like a handbook of the teenage period.

Hopefully that will make his/her life easier.

Of course, he/she will also be able to read this, my blog, but the stuff I put in my blog isn't as personal as I am going to make this diary.

Before anyone asks, no, I am not going to post anything from this diary onto here, 'cause well, it's too personal.

I apologize.

I have nothing else to add, 

but I guess I can offer you a photo.

-97thedarkshadow

I Can't Hold It In Much Longer...

The pain is almost unbearable...

For Me

I am going to change.

Not for you.

Not for them.

But for me.

'Cause this smile ain't gonna last otherwise.

Two Quick Quotes

"I guess everything is back to normal now...

I never said normal was a good thing."

-97thedarkshadow

"I hate being right.

Especially when the thing I predict is a bad thing."

-97thedarkshadow 

Invisible

I found this song about a week ago, and to be honest, I've had it on replay on my iPod ever since.

I love this song.

Even though the lyrics are pretty.. "messed up" (in my opinion), it's a perfect example of my "The Art Of Being Fake" text.

Here's a YouTube link to the song:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tKbA-5XxN3k

Invisible- Skylar Grey.

I take these pills, to make me thin.

I dye my hair, and cut my skin.

I tried everything, to make them see me,

But all they see, is someone that's not me.

Even when I'm walking on a wire,

Even when I set myself on fire,

Why do I always feel invisible, invisible?

Every day I try to look my best,

Even though inside I'm such a mess,

Why do I always feel invisible, invisible?

Here inside, my quiet heart,

You cannot hear, my cries for help.

I tried everything, to make them see me,

But everyone, sees what I can't be.

Even when I'm walking on a wire,

Even when I set myself on fire,

Why do I always feel invisible, invisible?

Every day I try to look my best,

Even though inside I'm such a mess,

Why do I always feel invisible, invisible?

Sometimes when I'm alone,

I pretend that I'm a queen.

It's almost believable.

Even when I'm walking on a wire,

Even when I set myself on fire,

Why do I always feel invisible, invisible?

Every day I try to look my best,

Even though inside I'm such a mess,

Why do I always feel invisible, invisible?

Where Will We Be?

I wonder a lot about where everyone will be in the future.

Like, where will I be in ten years?

In my case I'll be twenty-four.

Will I still be in contact with my current friends?

What will my career be?

Will I have found someone who loves me?

Will I be poor or rich?

Where will I live?

Will I be lonely and depressed?

What will I look like?

Will I be happy?

And the biggest question of them all,

Will I have left everything behind and started over?

All questions remain unanswered until then.

I wonder what it will be like, looking back at this then, and saying,

"Wow, I was so wrong about this."

"This really did happen!"

"I wish it could have been this way."

"This is the biggest regret of my life."

"I wish I had never given this up."

But that's another question that won't be answered today.

I really do want to do something to make my future something to look forward to, though.

But how?

I don't have the slightest idea.

-97thedarkshadow

News

I decided to make a Dayviews account for my photography interest.

Take photos and upload them there.

Seems easier to upload them there than on my blog (I will still be uploading photos here too though).

I could upload them on DeviantArt, but I personally think DeviantArt is pretty complicated, for just uploading one photo. Here's my DA by the way, if you're interested in checking it out:

http://97thedarkshadow.deviantart.com/

If you don't know what Dayviews is, it's a Swedish (now in English) website, where you can upload photos. That simple. I think it's pretty cool. This is the homepage:

http://dayviews.com/

It's easy to become a member too, so if you create (or have) an account, feel free to friend me.

You don't even have to upload photos either, if you don't want.
My Dayviews:
http://dayviews.com/97thedarkshadow/
Nothing uploaded yet, sorry.


Going to post a thought I've been thinking about lately, later on today.
So for now, Adios.

Not That Easy

The key to my heart is on the bottom of The Atlantic Ocean.

Find it if you can. 

(Sorry for the short post. Not really in the mood for writing a lot today.)

Behind This Fake Smile

Behind this fake smile is a girl you would never want to get to know.

Change

Some things change fast,

while some things don't change at all.

And some things are said to have changed,

but really haven't.

Just Great

Hello.

I just wanted to let you know that I'm sick.

I started feeling bad on Friday, but I thought it was nothing.

After running in gym at school, it started feeling like my throat was burning.

Luckily, it was the last class of the day, so I went home.

Over the weekend it's been gradually getting worse, and now I have red puffy eyes, a stuffy nose, a sore throat, and my hearing has been reduced. 

If I hear a noise, or someone's talking to me it's like I'm in a cardboard box.

Anyways, I've been desperately trying to get better, sleeping lots, taking nose-spray and cough drops, and just relaxing, 'cause being sick in the beginning of the school year is a pain in the ass.

But I don't feel any better, so I'm probably going to have to stay home from school anyway.

Hopefully I'll wake up tomorrow morning and feel perfect, but the odds of that happening aren't that great.

I'm going to take a nap now, so bye.  

The Art Of Being Fake

I look around me, everything is trance-forming.

Everyone around me, nothing but plastic statues.

Plastic.

Hard, solid, shiny plastic.

Nothing is real, it's all fake.

No soft flesh under the expensive, brand-name clothes.

Nothing but plastic, under the perfectly groomed hair.

All there is are flawlessly shaped mannequins.

When I look closer, I see that they are all the same.

No difference at all.

Except for me.

I hear a crack.

Someone is trying to break through.

Break through of this horrible trance.

But they can't get out, this is what they deserve.

That's what they all deserve.

To be trapped in hard, solid, shiny plastic.

© 97thedarkshadow

Pain

It was raining heavily and there was lightning flying across the sky at the speed of light,

blinding me at the sight of anything.

I was screaming your name at the top of my lungs in a melodic voice,

but I got cut off by the thunder loudly rolling across the water droplet filled clouds.

It was no use, I knew you couldn't hear me.

I was losing track of if the water on my face was either tears or rain.

After running for what seemed like hours, I slowly fell down to the ground out of breath.

Weakly I pulled grass and mud out of the ground in a furious rage.

"Why?! Why?!" I kept on screaming helplessly, even though I knew it all was over.

You said there was no more pain left to deal with, but you were wrong.

Being without you was the greatest pain of all. But you couldn't have prepared me for that one.

It was just something waiting to happen.

© 97thedarkshadow

Alone

I'm alone, so alone.

But that's okay.

I'm fine.

I swear.

My First Post

I just want to publish my first post to make sure it's working.

Here in Sweden, it's getting late, and I have school tomorrow.

So I'll  write a real post tomorrow.

Hope you'll find my blog interesting.

Bye.