Nothing Matters Anymore

I'm just in one of my depressing moods today.

Honestly, when am I not in one of these moods?

Whatever. Forget it.

I just feel trapped.

There is so much I want to do,

but I'm stuck.

I just can't find a reason these days.

Everyday, my life is the same, and I don't really feel excited about anything anymore.

I REALLY need help.

That's something I can shamelessly admit.

I've tried talking to people.

Friends, family, psychologists and so on.

But it doesn't help.

It just makes it worse.

I just don't know what other options there are.

I don't even know why I'm writing this.

Maybe letting it out will make me feel better.

Probably not.

Attention is the last thing I want though.

More like the opposite.

I just want to sit in a corner and disappear.

I don't want a perfect life, if that's what everyone thinks.

Not even a good life.

Just something that will do.

I don't want to sound like I'm a pessimist,

but what I've got now..

I just makes me want to die.

Scratch that last part.

I'm so selfish.

I just ask for more and more, all the time.

I know people have it way worse that me.

I just don't know how to live anymore.

Stop. No more excuses.

I'm a horrible person.

Ugh.

This shouldn't even be in a blog post.

It's way to personal.

The only thing that is stopping me from not publishing this,

is the hope that maybe someone will understand.

Maybe even help me get the help I need.

There we go again. Selfish, selfish.

Though, if you are one of those people who are reading this,

and are going to tease me the next time you see me,

because of this that I have written,

maybe you should think again.

Being depressed, doesn't just make me sad.

It makes me mad. Furious.

Maybe I'll just snap, and well, you can guess what will happen.

A lot of you, even the ones who go to my school and are my friends, are going to be like,

"Why does she complain so much? Sure, she may have some family problems, and get bullied a little bit, but that's not so bad." 

For your information, YOU HAVE NO FREAKING IDEA.

More than 70% of the reasons I feel this way, I haven't even told any of my friends.

'Cause I can't. I literally can't. 

The reason I made this blog from the beginning was to give people who have similar problems like me, advice.

This is definitively not one of those entries.

I know I'll regret posting this later, I'll get lots of hurtful comments because of it,

but whatever. I get them anyway, so what the heck.

-97thedarkshadow